We don’t actually know what we like. We only know what we’ve seen so far.
I realized this the other day whilst trying to pick a website font for my new app. I had a design in mind that I thought was "fine." It was standard. It worked. Then I stumbled across a different site - cleaner, chicer, a completely different vibe. Suddenly, my "fine" design felt like a relic. I hadn’t worked harder or suddenly become a better designer in those five minutes; I just got exposed. My floor for what was acceptable had just been raised.
This happens with everything.
The Barrier of the Known
Most of us live within the four walls of our own preconceived notions. You might swear you only listen to Afrobeats or Jazz until a specific Drake track hits your ears and you realize, "Wait, I actually fuck with this." That’s the moment the walls move back.
It’s the same with culture. If you spend your whole life in one place - say, the streets of Nigeria - and then you’re opportuned to step into a completely different climate, your entire internal map recalibrates. The things you thought were "the way the world works" turn out to just be "the way that place works."
You can only go as far as you have been exposed.
The "Data" of Desire
Relationships are perhaps the ultimate proof of this. We all walk around with these pre-packaged scripts of what our "type" is. You tell yourself, "I only date black women," or "I’m only into the kind, God-fearing type." You’ve built a whole identity around these preferences.
Then you meet an Iraqi girl who completely tilts your world, or you find yourself drawn to the "bad boy" who couldn't care less about your expectations—someone totally nonchalant, totally outside your "ideal."
You’re left standing there thinking, "I don’t even know what I see in this person."
But it’s simple: It’s exposure.
You didn't know you could feel that specific spark because you didn't have the data for it. Your worldview was a small pool, and you just got thrown into the ocean. Until you’re exposed to a different energy, a different vibe, or a different way of being treated, you’re just choosing from a limited menu.
From School Fees to Behemoths
When I started my business, the goal was modest: pay my school fees. That was my ceiling because that was the scope of my world. but then I started meeting people. I met business owners, saw different scales of operation, and realized that the same energy I was using to survive could be used to build a billion-dollar behemoth.
The stress isn’t necessarily higher at the top; often, it’s just that the people there are exposed to different systems.
"It’s not about 'not giving up' - it’s about realizing you might be playing the wrong game because you didn’t know the other one existed."
The Gift of "Not Knowing"
I mean this in the most humble way possible: You don’t know a lot. None of us do.
Whatever you think your "ideal life" looks like right now is likely just a placeholder. You think your dream is a job that pays $18 an hour because that’s the highest number you’ve seen in your circle. Then you meet someone making $100 an hour doing less work, and suddenly, your "dream" feels like a cage.
Exposure is a gift because it breaks that cage. It’s not just about money; it’s trickles down to all walks of life:
- Creativity: Picking up bits and pieces of different styles to find your own.
- Culture: Realizing your way of thinking is just one of a thousand options.
- Goals: Realizing that what you thought was a "big" dream was actually a small one.
The Point
Exposure is the act of picking up the bits and pieces of the world and realizing you can assemble them however you want. If you can’t see it, you can’t be it.
Don't settle for your current "ideal." Seek the things that make your current ideas look small. Go get exposed.